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PanicAtTheFall0ut's Profile Picture
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
I am just (pansexual & agender) trash, that loves anime,Hamilton, YouTubers, Steven Universe, and video games. I could get more detailed and specific about the things I listed and my other interest, but ehhhhh

I love making friends, but beware of the Undertale, Aot, Markiplier, and Jacksepticeye trash, that is me.


I love Hamilton with a passion m8.... I haven't written in awhile, and that is due to the cast of Hamilton being precious beans I'm obsessed with
49 deviations

         Dear (Y/n),


        Tiny drops of rain scattered on the glass surface. The light sound of the sky washing out the pressure of it's past days. Even the sun can only shine for so long.

It's been about six months now, and I don't know how I'm going to do it.

You didn't  belong here. This wasn't your home. Your home was the moments shared with Levi. From every honey laced word, to the regrettable, angry shouts. That was home. Not some town where the fire was extinguished from their very soul.

It's not fucking fair. How am I supposed to be my best when the biggest part of me is thousands of miles away?

If you could go back, you would. If you could. It wasn't fair to him. You couldn't hold Levi down longer than you already have. So much potential, yet he'd give it all up for you. Every opportunity. Every chance. All the endless possibilities, gone. All for you. Playing with fire gets you burned, and you had to put this out before intensive care became his downfall. 

You never said why you left, so I've decided to try to find you, as I've said in letters before. But, you never write back, so I can't know if you're getting these words. I'll keep sending them though, with the hope of seeing your love again.

You knew you weren't going anywhere. Levi could run the world if he wanted. He didn't need a hopeless dreamer to break down the world he could build. Oh, how many roads you've walked down. Every step putting a crack in the very fiber of your being, as you got farther and farther away from the man you love. Love enough to let go.

You knew I never cared about those pricks. They said you wouldn't end up anywhere but broke and broken. I know you're so much more. You're so much more, but without you I'm just a shell of anger. Please don't do this to me. Don't do this to us.

The rain was steady but a slow drizzle. The air smelt almost cleansed in a way. You've been here before. You could remember it so clearly. Levi and you. The river was flowing with all the determination in the world. Hand in hand you two walked to the edge of the water. That's when he told you, Levi told you he wanted you to be his and only his for the rest of this life. The river ran slower the next day.

I know you too well to not have some ideas of where you are. Remember the first time you told me you loved me? Remember how shocked I was? That was the first time someone had told me that. And the first time I could say that to someone else.

Your knees hit the plush grass by the riverbed. Tears rolled down your cheek, as you shared the pain of the sky as the water of the earth's pain mixed with your own remorse. How could such a cruel world be so beautiful. The smooth tide of the river ran along. You took the water speckled letter out of your jacket pocket, and set it into the river, to keep moving forward forevermore. Reciting the the last line of it in your mind on loop.

"To the water of my endless river-"

"Love, Levi. I just know you too well to let go, (Y/n)."
        WARNING ~ Mention of drug use, implying sexual situations, and foul language


        You could practically feel the stares. A smirk was shamelessly plastered on your face, as you drove to your destination.

Your car was stunning, and you fucking knew it too.


You didn't buy it. Who fuckin' cared? You sure as hell didn't.

        Your lips painted a velvety red and wearing your gleaming heels, you practically radiated a dangerously good time. Well, you do what you have to after all. What's the big deal? People do this sort of thing all the time, right? Some people referred to their guys as 'Sugar Daddies'.  In a joking (or maybe not so much) manner, you preferred to call them lottery tickets. But there was something you kept yourself accountable for, you only had one. You didn't want anyone to be pissy about not wanting to share their lovers, so why not just lock into one pristine client and just live the high life. And there would be a wicked double meaning behind that statement, too. 

        It may be almost half past five a.m. yet sleek glasses were perfectly placed over your red eyes. It was only a bit of grass. You wouldn't drive on some heavy shit. He'd have your ass if he found out and not in a sexy, good way either. But who in the hell did he even think he was trying to dictate how you live?

         That's not how you roll. You had your arrangements. This wealthy, short shit would sneak you in after 'wife of the year' left for "work".


That's what happens when you marry for business and not love. Both people start seeking love from elsewhere and you were more than happy to offer up your services for a little fee.  Yet, you'd be lying to yourself it you said that Levi wasn't only sexy as hell, but a good man. Your friend, who's also in the mistress game, said there's a snow ball's chance in hell a man who does what he does could be a good one. You knew it wasn't true. Mistakes don't define a person. After all, you do have a bit of a problem with 'self medicating', but that doesn't define you. You're still (Y/n) (L/n), right?

        It never ceased to amaze you. As you drove through the golden gates, you could see the beautiful house. Such a stark white, it could almost be considered blinding. That was another thing you liked about this gig. You didn't have to work in a shit hole like others you knew. Yet, every time you went through the doors of the Ackerman estate, you always felt a wave of envy for his so called wife. You would jump at the chance to being Mrs. Ackerman, but you, of course, would never say those words out loud. 

        Your walk held remarkable confidence. Your heels clanked on the immaculate floor, as you walked towards the kitchen. You'd done this too many times, as to not know where to go. After all, you've dreamed about walking through it with a ring on your finger for about two years now. 

        Seeing that diamond chandelier would never get old. The crystals strategically reflected on the marble counter where a certain tea cup was perched between ivory hands. 

        He didn't even need to turn around. Levi's gray eyes would already start slightly clouding with lust at the sound of your heels. The thought of what he knew would happen, and the air of dominance you held around you was nothing less than a major turn on.

        Levi could feel your greedy hands slide around his torso in a lazy embrace. His eyes flickered over to your glassy eyes, as he could feel the warm breath coming from your light chuckles. You were obviously blazed, but that was okay. He still held onto the hope that it was all still genuine.

        His face concealed it well, but he wants much more than this life a secrecy. He wouldn't mind (Y/n) being Mrs. Ackerman, or simply just his girlfriend. He's had a few conversations with the sober (Y/n) and she was damn well intelligent and competent. But he was afraid.

        Indeed, the infamous cold-hearted son of a bitch was afraid. Not about his current wife or about his reputation. He didn't give a shit about those trivial things. You were a free spirit, wild and untamed. He didn't know if you wanted to be tied down, so he'd rather take the opportunity to spend every moment he could with you rather than scare you away.

Your lips brushed against his neck, teasingly as you whispered in his ear. 

"So, Mr. Ackerman, what did you have in mind for today?"

Icy shivers ran down his spine at the sultry tone. You always knew how to make him feel important.

"Anything you want, anything at all."

His eyes would slightly soften when talking to you. You had always wondered if he did the same thing around his wife. Deep inside, you pleaded for that not to be the case.  If only you could tell him what you really wanted. If only, if only. 


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ChrysanthemumSnow Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2016  Student Traditional Artist
Hello fellow Steven Universe fan!! :D
PanicAtTheFall0ut Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Hello there :D
ChrysanthemumSnow Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2016  Student Traditional Artist
So, hi uh, whats up? And im sorry if this is weird :/
MurfPie156 Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
PanicAtTheFall0ut Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks XD
IdyllicSiren Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2016  Student Writer
PanicAtTheFall0ut Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Hello there amazing person I seem to have a shit ton in common with
IdyllicSiren Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2016  Student Writer
i can't see it properly on my phone
PanicAtTheFall0ut Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Your icon is FABULOUS by the way :D
(1 Reply)
KimoKii Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you so much for the watch!~ Q///Q *huggles* Your stories are A-MAZ-ING!~ Keep up the good work!!~ Heart 

((And I love your profile ID. Q////Q ))
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